i am not this body

return of the Cup Noodle Man

this will only make sense if you grew up on occasional bursts of Japanese television, are a ramen otaku, or otherwise just not entirely hinged.

the Cup Noodle man is walking in an infinite circle, eating his Cup Noodle as if his life depends on it. the Cup Noodle man is permanently tilted inward at a slight angle, enabling him to remain hunched over his Cup Noodle without breaking his stride, maintaining his tight circle of Cup Noodle perambulation that keeps him on camera at all times for the duration of his five seconds of Cup Noodle fame.

The constant inflow of Cup Noodle feeds sufficient energy to prevent his Cup Noodle orbit from decaying until the supply of Cup Noodle runs out or we return from station identification, whichever comes first. yet the Cup Noodle man cannot simply stop, or inertia would cause the Cup Noodle in his hands would spin out of control and into a chain of chaos that would move the earth's orbit too close to the sun to sustain life and also render the moon tasting a bit like MSG.

so, the Cup Noodle man must go on. but the Cup Noodle man is a mere mortal. what happens when the Cup Noodle man dies?

the earth's rotation must cause the orbit of the Cup Noodle man to someday intersect with other Cup Noodle beings. if the Cup Noodle man's orbit should come into proximity with a Cup Noodle woman of sufficient counterspin, they can produce Cup Noodle offspring, provided they can do it with chopsticks and Cup Noodle occupying their hands. similarly, their containers of Cup Noodle may yield smaller containers of Cup Noodle, thus feeding future generations.

do not run over the Cup Noodle man if he wanders into the road, or you will break the chain of Cup Noodle that holds together the Cup Noodle universe.

Labels: japanese tv, ramen, shorts

posted by Jon Drucker @ 7:53 PM