i am not this body

new short piece (12 May 07)

Finally, at the end of it all, I stood alone by the ocean, atop the mountain, in the heart of the desert, at the edge of something far and bigger. I watched the sun rise, fill the sky and water, shine deep blue and violet and bright hot amber, warming my cheeks, cooling my neck. I drank it in as the sun sank into the ocean, the sea rose up to meet the dissipating fireball, illuminated and melting, still distinct yet somehow not-two. They washed up on me, over me, in and through me, untill surrender was only a passing cloud, floating away forgotten. Color, nameless. Shape, undefined, Sweet and salty and dry earth, all of it. I was here and gone, taken and never left, swirling. flickering waves danced with me, spun us into slow orbit, ascending spinning, skating on stars. I witnessed: all of it. I saw, and was seen, I watched worlds that never were and had born and died, loved and lied and never mattered, shimmered without moving, drunk all of them in simultaneously, lived them and passed in the beat of a heart. The sky and waters were never separate, they only dreamed it that way. Dreamed us, and woke, burned and washed flesh away, blood gone, bone gone, eyes brains and lungs - all gone, just here. Finally. Here was no-here, no-there, this-where. He I was beyond I, all, all already, and endless end. Home, full, one. Nothing was true, all of it, a breath. We-it were infinite, timeless, complete and empty, eternal without being. Fully awake, dreaming the world, the sun, the infinite waters, interstellar space and matter. Finally. An aeon, an instant, and - I began to miss it. A thousand faeries lit up the thought, swarmed into the mind sky and shouted in their tiny loud voices: "Let's go again!" And we did. Finally.

Labels: shorts

posted by Jon Drucker @ 8:24 PM